doesn't matter where i go, or what i'm doing, there it is. and i'm sure it's the same for you.
when i went into the video store, there he was, in not-so-living color on the triple-screen displays, grinding and gliding, thrilling me.
got in the car with a musician friend after a gig--a gig in which he played a lovely rendition of the way you make me feel in tribute--and, as he turned the inevitable music on, said in mock apology that he, just like everyone else these days, was totally wrapped up in listening to the king. not even the king of pop, did you catch that? just the king.
and i have to confess that this untimely death and the resulting frenzy has made me look at my itunes library and think--hey! i don't have any michael jackson here! i know i had some at one time, but i suppose it was on cassette tape and didn't survive the journey through the years and transition to digital music. so i have none. the temptation to go immediately and buy all of jackson's music has been pretty strong. it's been quite a while since i've listened to michael in any sustained focused kind of way, and i'd actually forgotten how brilliant his music is, how riveting his videos, how far beyond spectacular the force of his talent. a hackneyed phrase, to call him one of the truly great, and yet no less true of him for all that. born at the right time, in the right culture, he took what music was and made it more than it otherwise ever could be.
but let's be honest. it's not been easy these last few years to be a michael jackson fan. the strangeness, the suspicions, the bizarre reports of behavior, the trial, the children, his children... the last 15 or 20 years have taken their toll on people's opinion of michael. it's always hard, sometimes near impossible, for the public to separate a performing artist and their art. so when an artist is alleged to be involved in activities that the general public finds objectionable or even abhorrent, it's hard for that public to fully embrace the art itself. outside of one or two people who have been all along strong and objective enough to make that distinction, i know of no one who hasn't somehow felt the need to express their love for his music without some kind of disclaimer, some kind of need to acknowledge that loving the music and the musician doesn't necessarily mean loving all that the man might be or do.
what's captivating me is that somehow, now, that's all changed. while no one's denying the fact that michael jackson's personal life does not appear to have been what most people would call normal,or even desirable, michael's death seems to have done more for michael's music that michael's last decades of living ever could. somehow, death has, in a very final and inviolable way, allowed people the freedom to appreciate michael's genius without feeling drawn into michael's pathos. his brilliance has somehow been rediscovered, as if the stories from his personal life were simply a layer of grime covering the purity of his incredible talent and artistic ability that has now been lifted away.
i don't know why it is. i didn't even realize, until these last few days, that i carried myself a reluctance to enjoy michael's music, that i myself sometimes felt a compulsion to distance myself from his music, because of the stories about his personal life. i can think of possible explanations, and i'm sure you can too, but none of them really ring true for me. and i don't know how i feel about the fact that i now feel somewhat released from that reluctance now that he's gone. it's something i'm going to need to sort out, to examine about myself. what i do know, however, is that i'm looking forward to starting to enjoy some fabulous music i've pretty much ignored for a while, that i can't wait to go buy it, to own it, to relish it. it's a new compulsion regarding michael jackson, and of the two, the one i'm pretty sure i'd rather have.
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it even if I could
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it, no
i can't help it--off the wall